Pieces of Me

Well, here you have it: the long-awaited answer to yesterday’s post.

But first, I must say I’m a bit disapointed that more people doubt my gastrointestinal fortitude, and my fishing skills than my outright ability to lie, cheat and steal. Except Donna that is – thanks for the vote of confidence!

Unfortunately for Donna, that’s all she gets, for she is incorrect.

The grand prize actually goes to the very first guess, by dearheart. I have never, ever run over a cat. Or any other animal larger than a rat for that matter (though some rats are as large as some cats – but not any rats that I’ve hit). But I digress…

Congratulations dearheart! Explanations of my strange truths in the extended entry…

1. I have seen Donny Osmond in nothing but his skivvies. Michelle got this right when she mentioned Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat – though I actually forgot about the scene where he’s in the loincloth. I was part of one of the backup choirs for that particular run, and there was a wardrobe issue – and he was running around backstage for a good 7 minutes or so in nothing but his actual underwear – no costume to be found.

2. I bounced a cheque for over $3000 and talked my way out of having it ever appear on my bank record or credit report. I miscalculated when I closed my account at one bank and opened an account at another. I wrote myself a cheque for the amount that was in my old account to deposit at the new bank, but between checking my balance, and the cheque clearing at the new bank, the old bank took off my service charges. Thankfully, the branch manager at the new bank went to church with my parents, and after I spoke to her in a small panic, she said “you’re a good kid, we’ll just fix this up for you so it doesn’t affect your credit.”

3. I was published by a national industry newsletter at the age of 15. As a result of #9, I had to write a letter to the editor on what the changes in the forest industry due to environmental pressures mean to me. It was published, and since nobody actually knew why I had written the letter (other than the person who asked me to write it, and my family), I was congratulated on such a well-written piece. A couple weeks later, a forestry coalition newlsetter called me up and asked for permission to reprint.

4. I caught a 6lb trout on my first cast when lake fishing, but was made to throw it back, because there “must be bigger ones out there.” There weren’t. I spent quite a few summers of my youth camping at Lightening Lakes in Manning Park. There’s a great fishing spot there (hike in, or canoe up) and on my first cast, I indeed reeled in a whopper. My dad figured I could do better than that. I didn’t. I’m still bitter.

5. I served Pierre Trudeau an Arch Deluxe meal at McDonald’s. The year was 1996. He was on his way through Hope to the interior on a vacation (the Trudeau family is known for their love of the BC Wilderness), and stopped in at My McD’s for lunch. All I knew was he was an old guy who ordered an Arch Deluxe meal, supersized with Root Beer. Then the owner came out and said “It’s been a pleasure serving you sir! May I shake your hand?” I was 16 and had no idea who he was – but once I found out, it stuck with me, and I’m glad to have met him – if only for a brief moment.

6. I suffered 2nd & 3rd degree burns over 75% of my face when I was a child. Luckily I was left with no scars. When I was 5, I snuck up on my mom as she had a large pot of boiling water in her hands. She was turning as I said “hi!” and my wee head made contact with the pot, and water sloshed down over my face. I did have 3rd degree burns in my hairline where the water hit (though it’s hard to see if/where the scars are, just because of the change in skin) – but I guess the rest of my face was technically 2nd degree. I had a gigantic blister that covered my entire forehead, and most of the left side of my face. I was bandaged up for a long time like a mummy – but thanks to great medical care, was left with no scarring. My mom still has nightmares about it.

7. I’ve run over a cat. FALSE! NEVER HAPPENED!

8. I ate brains, on purpose, and loved it. They’re called sweetbreads, and it’s grilled calf brains. And it’s damn tasty. I had it at the Copper Room at the Harrison Hot Springs Hotel.

9. I stole over $500 in long distance calling cards. What I actually did was take my dad’s work calling card and use it to phone up my summer-camp boyfriends. I got caught, had to pay off the charges I racked up, and write the article mentioned in #3.

10. I faced my own mortality when I nearly died on a ranch 45 minutes away from any sort of paved road, 3 hours away from access to medical care. I was with a group that had rented a ranch outside of Clinton BC and we were camping/partying all weekend. I was an idiot, and drank myself nearly to death. Luckily some of the people around knew enough first-aid to keep me alive until morning. I’m just glad I woke up. Lesson learned.

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