Have you ever wondered why I’ve called this series “Ridiculously High Standards” instead of something less foreboding? It’s because breaching one of these without a strong backup of coolness factor can very likely put the nail into the relationship coffin as far as I’m concerned. As I’ve said already, I’m totally willing and usually more than able to overlook small transgressions – as long as I’m already fairly smitten. But in the beginning stages, as soon as I’m unimpressed by something, I flee. Quickly.
And the scenario has just played itself out again.
Example: I’ve gone on a couple dates with Mr. Travelsalot. I was pretty ok with things as they were, until he sent me an email asking when a good time to call was while he’s been away this past week. I said Monday I was in class, and I’d be off doing my taxes on Tuesday, but any evening the rest of the week would be fine. He replied “Expect a call on Tuesday, hope I don’t take too much time away from your taxes.”
STRIKE ONE! Which part of my email signified that I wasn’t ALREADY BUSY on Tuesday? (RHS#5 – respect the other person’s schedule.)
That was all I needed to start the ball rolling. Things I had previously shrugged off and overlooked all came bubbling to the surface. Examples:
-He referrs to Lasik surgery as “getting your eyes cut.” Cut? that sounds like someone is adjusting your corneas with a steak knife.
-He told me I don’t ask enough questions of him. Sorry if I’m not into 20 questions. I’m from the “actions speak louder than words” camp, and figure spending time with a person is the best way to get to know him. Along the same lines, I wasn’t spared the constant barrage of queries.
-He routinely stopped, mouth agape, in the middle of conversations, then said “sorry, your eyes (lips, etc.) are distractingly gorgeous. Now every girl likes a compliment, but nobody likes a caveman. Control yourself. Along those lines (again) he regularly reminded me that I’m “earning brownie points” with him. I’m fabulous, I get it already. Move on.
-He thought it was remarkable and “too weird” that we both took the citrus wedges off our soft drinks, and made a little shield with one hand while squeezing the juice into the drink with the other. I don’t think that’s so much coincidence as courtesy, and safety. Nobody likes lemon juice in the eye. Ninety percent of the people I know make the little hand shield. Perhaps his friends and family are uncouth with the beverages?
–He talked during the movie (albeit a wee, tiny bit – but talking’s talking).
-I happened upon some hockey tickets for tomorrow night’s Vancouver Giants game, and since we were supposed to be going out that night anyway, I asked if he wanted to accompany me. He said “Sure, sounds like fun! I just hope my brother doesn’t show up.” Why’s that? Do you not get along with your family? (strike!) Do you not want me to ever meet your family, even by accident? (Strike!) Are you that socially awkward that in a city this small you couldn’t handle running into someone you know while on a date, and just introduce that date as a friend? (STRIKE THREE, YOU’RE OUT!)
-And while I’m on a roll, he’s not my physical type, which isn’t something I usually put a whole lot of stock into, but after all these other downfalls, being a hottie was really the last thing he could’ve had going for him.
So there you have it. I emailed him as soon as I got home from work (which was our primary form of communication thus far) and cancelled our date. No point in postponing the inevitable.
Except now I have an extra (free) hockey ticket for tomorrow night (Saturday March 19th). Comment if you’d like to go. Puck drops at 7:00pm.
I was forgiving him down to “talked during the movie”. Now he must die–what’s his address?
And, out of curiousity, if you feel like sharing, what is your physical type?
I WANNA GO! 🙂
I stopped forgiving him at the part where he was making compliments too often. (All this taken with a grain of salt, my being a heterosexual male and all.) Complimenting and being overly sweet is fine in my book, actually. Compliments only really works if the person saying them believes them to be true. Not only that, but it makes complimenting extremely easy. (What’s harder? Telling the truth or lying?) Compliments are actually a little selfish: they are designed to make both people feel good about themselves, and hey, is there anything really wrong with that? It’s when the compliments aren’t genuine–interrupting a conversation to make the compliment unexpected signals insincerity–that are unforgivable.
Darren’s right, though, talking during a movie is a dealbreaker. That’s why I think taking a girl out to a movie, for at least the first few dates, is a bad idea, and I’m thinking about how the guy would feel about it. I mean, if you were a guy and you were taking a pretty girl out, wouldn’t you rather spend the two hours looking at her and talking to her instead of looking at at a giant screen and not talking to her? A movie is a fun thing to watch (especially if it’s one where you both can make fun of it while watching), but seems to me it would be better to do it on the third or fourth or fifth date, at either person’s place, so that if both people suddenly find it necessary, they can pause it.
I have to agree with the talking-during-movie situation as well. Last time I dated a movie-talker I ended up dumping water on her and telling her I never wanted to see her again. Mature? No. But at least I’m honest. . . . Anyway, it seems like a small thing, but it speaks a multitude of evils.
If you still need a hockey friend, let me know.
I have to disagree with you Richard about the compliments. A few compliments here and there are great, but too many just seems too smooth and not genuine. Not to mention the focusing too much on the physical. Good call on not seeing him again Jen…stick by those dealbreakers.
matt: dumped water on her? yikes, what do you do when you *really* dont like someone?
Col: we are actually in agreement. I agree with you that there is such a thing as too many compliments, and that it’s wise not to always focus on the physical. One insincere compliment, I would argue, however, is worse than too many sincere compliments.
This was brutal. Very few men get enough dates to be well practiced at it anymore. He just wanted to be apart of your life.
Was he nice? Was he sweet? Would he have been someone to care about you? Want my brutal opinion? Probably not, but apparently, you just werent all that interested…. and his behaviour wasnt what cut it.
It seems like a points game when I read girls blogs now. Its painful.
it’s hardly a points game, it’s more of what rubs you the wrong way and whether or not you “get” each other.
Oh no, high standards in this case a gud, very gud,….