A letter I just submitted through Chapters’ online Customer Service form:

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I am completely and utterly disappointed by the way the Harry Potter release “delivery day shipment” was handled.

I’m not sure whether it was an issue with Chapters, or with Canada Post, but my order was NOT delivered today, Saturday July 21st by the time of writing (9:40pm). Canada Post’s tracking information states the book is still “out for delivery” as it has been since 8:11am.

I have never had issue receiving orders from Canada Post at my apartment before - they manage to deliver my mail daily, and yet I have not received my order, nor any slip on my door or in my mailbox stating that they were unable to make a delivery and I should pick up my book at a postal outlet. The tracking website also has not been updated to state that an attempted delivery was even made.

I believed in the promise that Chapters and Canada Post made to their customers, that pre-orders received by a certain date would be honoured and delivered between 8:00am and 6:00pm today.

Because that promise was broken, I will be returning my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows whenever it arrives, and purchasing it instead from an independent book retailer.

I purchased from Chapters because I believed your organization had the corporate skill and ability to effectively partner with an organization that would deliver my book, conveniently, as promised, on the day of release.

Instead, I have wasted an entire day waiting for a promise that wasn’t fulfilled. And it will certainly cause me to rethink my decision to purchase from Chapters - either in-store or online - in the future.

Sincerely,
-Jennifer

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Canada Post will be getting a similar tirade, once I have access to a browser that is compatible with their site. Anyone else have this problem, and anyone know of a store (that isn’t Chapters) where I can buy a copy of the damn book tomorrow?

Update: July 25/07

Chapters = Awesome

Canada Post = Not so much.

Chapters was really accommodating responding to my request, taking my return at the store and refunding my purchase including shipping. They have apologized profusely, and basically done everything right.

Canada post told me initially they couldn’t help, and when pressed, relented to “sending a message to the depot, with instructions to tell all carriers to always attempt delivery.” Considering Chapters’ site stated that posties were already instructed to attempt delivery whenever possible, I don’t have much faith in their instruction. I was also explicitly told that I shouldn’t expect a follow-up.

I am still not impressed, and disappointed on Chapters’ behalf, because while they did everything right I still won’t buy from them if they partner with Canada Post again for a release like that. I hope they’re wise enough to use a more reliable courier if there is a next time.

So, work.

I forgot how much I missed it.

Seriously.

Stop laughing.

Really though, I work with a really great group of people and get to deal with a product that I’m actually interested in and care about.

Strangely enough, I’m also socially connected by 1 degree to a few people in the company - it’s strange, but nice to know that these people are actually “my people” (or more accurately, the people of my people).

Speaking of “people” - if you’d like to be one of the people, we’re on a crazy hiring spree at the moment as well. If you are, or know of someone looking for work as a C or .NET developer, or an Office Manager (must be able to do payroll and that other “office managery” stuff like ordering supplies, etc.) then drop me a line - jenATthisdomainDOTcom. I’ll fill you in on the deets. Also, you’d get to work with me, and how much fun would that be?

Unfortunately, what I’ve been doing most of this week is slightly less than exciting. I’ve been reading a LOT of background material and getting myself settled in. Upside: the company is moving into a downtown office space at the end of the month and everyone is still working from home - so most of the reading (on days when I don’t have meetings) is being done sans pants. Which is awesome for me, but not so much for you, because I don’t leave the house often enough to find adventure to blog about.

Hopefully when I’m working a full 40-hour-pants-on week I’ll have more tales of tomfoolery and office hyjinx to share with you.

Until then, I’ll leave off with telling you that I’ll be doing some travel for this job - I already know I’ll want noise-canceling headphones, but which ones to buy, and what else will I need?

A collection of random things, because I am seriously all out of drama for this week.

I’m typing up a fact sheet and for some reason, my brain thought “Monitoring” and my fingers output “Minotauring” - because it’s important you get all your half-man/half-bull needs taken care of.

We were supposed to be moving this month. Our condo is not finished yet (thus far the estimate is still December). This makes me very sad. Not because I want the penthouse views or better layout or hardwood floors. No - because I HATE the countertops here. They are all super porous laminate that stains like a mofo. The kitchen counters are splotched with red wine, coffee and other mystery stains. Know what the bathroom counter has absorbed? Smells. Including the smell of wet, nasty dog from the skunk incident last week. The new place has granite. And a damn dog-washing station in the parkade level, so she doesn’t have to shake all over our bathroom.

Three words that made my day: Man Eating Badgers.

I have taken to going outside and caressing our monster tomato plant, just because then my hands will smell like tomato plant - which is, as far as I’m concerned, one of the best smells in the world.

Remember the awesomeness that is the Bodygroom and the shaveeverywhere.com campaign? They’re back! This time with the Story of Sack! Now that the sun’s come out, are you beach ready?

It seems my readers are a fairly risk-averse crowd, with a surprising (at least to me) number saying go for the larger company (Job 1).

I honestly thought for a very long while that’s what I wanted. After some serious navel-gazing and some counsel from close friends and family, it seems that, well, not so much. Thinking about my “favourite” jobs (or favourite aspects of past jobs) I kept going back to the crazy, crazy times I had in startups and non-profits. Few people and fewer resources were balanced out by a lot of enthusiasm and energy. The successes were always far, far sweeter at the end of the day.

The craving for stability has been a response to external pushes. Criticisms that my resume showed too much “movement.” Too many industries. Big red flags. It was a serious barrier to getting interviews. However, the companies who did think to question the situation and my motivation were generally impressed with my chutzpah, ability to recognize opportunities and damn impressed with my work samples to boot. I still hold an impressive interview/job offer ratio, being offered about 75% of the jobs I have in-person interviews for. Perhaps this “liability” has acted as a filter for companies where I could do well instead?

My biggest concern was still figuring out what I wanted out of an employer. Job 1 isn’t a typical “big machine” large company, and Job 2 isn’t a typical startup or microbusiness. Looking at the day-to-day work and opportunities, while I could definitely see myself at Job 1, I was more excited and actually starting to strategize campaigns in my head for the role at Job 2.

That doesn’t mean my decision was any sort of easy, though. I ended up navigating my way through my first salary negotiation/bidding war. Probably not very successfully (depending on your definition of success - which probably isn’t “sit at home a freak the fuck out for a few hours on which way to go while offers and increases roll in”), though I’m still pleased with the outcome.

Both initial offers were completely fair. I make it a point to stay on-top of salary surveys etc. for my industry. Both were on the higher end of the median for that role and my experience. Job 2’s initial offer was higher, though not substantially so. And salary certainly isn’t everything.

After presenting their offer, Job 2 called a couple times to see if I had any further questions, and to lay on the “we really want you” sugar. I expressed my concerns about the potential risk. This is when Job 2 increased their offer.

I really appreciate the way Job 2 went about the process. They acknowledged my concerns, put their money where their mouths are and increased their compensation in a way that showed they were serious - though the increase was certainly not excessive. Their recruitment was aggressive, but I never felt unduly pressured. I also strongly suspect they did their homework, googled me, and may have been reading my blog yesterday. Blogging as negotiation tactic? Perhaps something to explore…

Anyway, I informed Job 1 of the situation, and that I didn’t expect them to change their compensation, but wanted to thank them for the opportunity and tell them that I’d be declining their offer.

Job 1 immediately offered to match Job 2. A full 25% increase in salary and 50% increase in vacation compared to their initial offer. Of course that showed they wanted me on their team, but it also showed they really low-balled me on the first offer. Their first offer was fair and exactly within the range I told them I expected, so the huge increase seems knee-jerk and based on nothing more than competition. I still have mixed feelings about it. So I declined again, and faxed my acceptance to the start-up.

And that’s where things stand today.

My first day’s on Monday, and I’m beyond pleased that I finally feel settled.

Besides which, if the company does tank in a couple years, I’ll just give up on work to have tons of babies, and the Job 1 crowd can all tell me “I told you so.”

The past week has been an absolute whirlwind - and a complete 180 from the 13 weeks beforehand.

I’ve been interviewing like mad (5 work-days, 5 companies, 7 interviews) and find myself presented with two offers (well, 3, but one is totally unsuitable, and the other two companies just haven’t replied yet).

In any case, I’m firmly wedged between the proverbial rock and hard-place with these two offers. Both are great. I’m having a really hard time deciding. So I figured, why don’t I ask the internets what they’d do?

First, the similarities: title, job scope, commute, industry, opportunities for mentorship, vacation time and benefits. You know, the things I was going to use as my differentiators when making the decision on the really *right* place to be.

And now, the differences:

Job One: Is exactly what I asked for when I first started this job-hunt thing. Mid to larger sized company on a growth trajectory. They have made a lot of recent acquisitions in the past months and need to expand their marketing department to deal with it. The majority of work would be doing brand unification and change management. I found this job through an internal referral. There wasn’t actually a position in existence, but a combination of really clicking with the VP of Marketing and their need for people led her to push through the creation of a position to bring me into the team. Speaking of which, there is a team of about 6 people - so lots of opportunity for collaboration. From the state of the company today this could be a great 3-5 year (or beyond) opportunity.

Job Two: Came out of a posted position I applied for. The company is a startup, going to market ideally in September. After researching the management team, questioning their motivation, business plan, beta program, funding and talking to some industry people who may be interested in their product this is a good opportunity. The majority of work would be doing product launch and buzz generation. There is some limited travel involved (about 10%). I’d be working primarily with the VP Marketing, VP Project Management and Director of Business Development. The position has been designed to ramp up to management (where I’d build a team of reports) in a fairly short timeframe. The starting pay is 13% higher. The offer comes with stock options - though I generally don’t take those into consideration. More often than not they turn out to be worth less than the paper they’re printed on. I don’t think this company will fail - but taking into consideration the current state of things, I see this to be an 18-month to 2-year opportunity before IPO or Acquisition takes place. I see acquisition with this particular product more likely, and that move would likely render my position redundant.

So - taking into account the facts I’ve presented (and probably ignoring my speculation) - what would you do?

I’ve even included a handy poll for your voting pleasure!

UPDATE! would those who are voting in the poll care to actually comment with why they’d make the choice they have? Thus far the comments and poll results are diametrically opposed.

I need to have an answer by the end of the day tomorrow. Of course I’m going to choose the one that I ultimately decide is best for me, but I am interested in what *you* would do, or if you think there are other factors I haven’t considered.

Honey-Moon that is.

Both Neil and I are getting itchy feet again, and the uncertainty around my work situation has meant that we’ve had to keep our travel planning fairly limited in terms of destination and duration.

So what does one do when they can’t plan for a vacation in the immediate future? Plan for one in the not-so-immediate future instead. We booked the major airfare and a custom, private tour for the first part of our honeymoon over the weekend!

The plan is to fly out of Tofino either Sunday evening (March 30) or Monday Morning (March 31) back to Vancouver. The evening of the 31st, we hop on another plane to Morocco! We’ve got a 12-day itinerary with a private guide and A/C Land Rover at our disposal for the duration (I’ll post details after the jump). After that, we’ll make our way across the water to Spain, and hopefully spend the next 6 days recuperating while lounging in a villa near the Costa del Sol before flying from Malaga back to Vancouver on April 18th.

So, of course I have questions for the intrepid globetrotters out there:

Killing Time: Have any of you been in the British Airways executive lounge at Heathrow? Is it worth the price of admission? Both arrival and departure flights have 3 hour layovers there, and the Heathrow cattle-pen isn’t really all that awesome for just hanging out in.

Also under the killing time umbrella, we’ve arranged for extended leisure time in Fes and Marrakech - any suggestions for must-see and don’t-bother sites? Same question for Southern Spain - though nothing too taxing of course.

Planes, Trains, Automobiles: If you’ve travelled between Africa and Spain, how did you get from point A to point B? Our options seem to be Plane or Train/Ferry. Plane is slightly more expensive (by $75 each or so). Ferry ride is 6 to 9 hours.

Home, Sweet Home: Any advice for places to stay in southern Spain? Must be self-catering, so we can privately gorge on Serrano ham and Sangria. Neil definitely wants something beachy, but we both agree that we’d prefer to be a little off the beaten path so we’re hopefully not lumped in with the droves of packaged-tour pink Brits who flock to the area to soak up the sun.

Wardrobe Crisis: Again, in an effort to be as inoffensive as possible, I’m looking for suggestions on what to wear in Morocco. The country is primarily Muslim (with a few Berbers and even fewer Christians thrown in for good measure) so I must be mostly covered. Other than stocking up on long linen pants and skirts and a large hat for the sun, what would y’all suggest? Bonus query: recommendations for comfortable, non-sneaker footwear?

Watch your Language: Between us we probably have enough French (which is similar enough to Spanish) to get by in that department. However, we’d love to get some Arabic under our belt before we go. Is there anywhere in Vancouver we can take some conversational Arabic classes - or a good “book on tape” program anyone can recommend?

Shutterbugs: We’ll need a new digital camera before we go. Something with enough power and options to take effective night pictures (remote control, long shutter speed settings), but not fancy enough to be inconvenient to carry or attract unwanted attention from those who’d prefer to relieve us of it.

Thanks in advance for answers to those, or any questions I’ve not thought of yet! And of course, after the jump, our Moroccan itinerary:
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(more…)

I only wish I were talking about Neil’s stanky running shirt again.

Despite the fact that it had only been 3 days long, this week has been exceedingly busy for me. I’ve had 4 interviews in 3 days and managed to pick up a freelance project. Combine that with an evening volunteering, the sudden heat that I’m not used to yet, and the rest of life that needs taking care of - all I wanted to do last night was relax.

After finally finishing for the day and grabbing some dinner out (we have been too busy to procure foodstuffs), it was about 9:30pm and I was looking forward to hitting the couch with a good book or whatever TiVo had in store.

Neil wanted nothing more than to go walk the dog to the beach. Despite his cajoling, I (who’d already been out with the beast twice that day) resisted and grabbed a book while he took the dog and headed out.

I’d only gotten a couple pages in when the phone rang:

Jen: Hello?
Neil: You’ll never believe what just happened to the dog
Jen: uh…. I assume she’s alive?
Neil: Oh yah - but guess what she got into?
Jen: She rolled in something smelly?
Neil: Close!
Jen: Uh…..
Neil: She got sprayed by a skunk!

If you have ever dealt with this before, you know what the rest of my night consisted of.

The Highlights:

-Googling for skunk oil removal remedies that could be procured from either a corner store, 24h drug store or other retailer open at about 10:00pm
-Wrestling with a big, wet, hairy, upset dog in the bathtub, trying to apply vinegar and baking soda to her chest and face
-Realizing vinegar doesn’t work on skunk oil worth a damn
-Sending Neil to the store for peroxide, more dish detergent, and douche (kinda bad for people - apparently good for removing skunk oil from animal faces, where you shouldn’t apply caustic solutions).
-Finding out that nobody who works the night-shift at Shoppers Drug Mart on 4th or Broadway a) knows what products the store carries, b) speaks English or c) cares.
-Applying a foamy mixture of peroxide, baking soda and dish soap to a dog who’s been bathed twice already and isn’t happy about it, and trying to keep her from shaking it all off for 10 minutes.

We finally gave up and got to bed around 1:00am - us in our bedroom with the door closed to protect it from the smell, the dog in her crate in the living room, the towels and clothes we used out on the deck.

This morning we were back at it at 6:00, tossing Neil’s clothes, yesterdays’ towels and anything else that got covered in skunk stank into the laundry or garbage, and scrubbing down the bathroom. Thankfully, it seems like we’ve gotten most of the offending odors out of the house - though I think I need a trusted friend to come by and let me know if it does smell in here or not.

The poor dog seems to be mostly ok. Neil was unable to get the douche solution for the dog’s face, so her wee head still smells a little - but other than her dry fur (stripped of all its natural oils, along with the skunk oil) and her wounded pride, she is recovering just fine out on the deck in the sunshine with a peanut-butter kong. I’m going to go out and try to procure some douche concentrate today to soak her face with, and hopefully that’ll take care of the last of the smell and we can let her back in the house, and get on with life, skunk-free.

I *told* Neil I didn’t think a walk last night was a good idea. I think after all that, he agrees.

They have officially started.

They = wedding dreams.

No, not those dreams that little girls have about a big princess dress, gigantic cake, prince charming, etc. etc. I never was prone to those. I was far more focused on obtaining a pony than a prince. Incidentally, while I have the prince, I’m still 98.5% pony-free.

These are the kind of dreams overextended colleagues and classmates claimed they’d get in times of stress. The kind where you show up to work naked, or show up to class and realize you need to write an exam worth 75% of your grade that you were (up until that moment) completely unaware of.

I’d be the last to say that wedding planning is stressing me out, but I’m still having semi-regular dreams about showing up to my wedding, and realizing I’ve forgotten to organize about 80% of it. Subconsciously created catastrophes have included:

Of course, I show up thinking everything is hunky-dory, and it’s only when someone else in the dream draws my attention to the missing elements that I start to freak out.

And, for a special treat, in a strangely Hofstadtean twist, I managed to startle myself awake from a dream just the other night in which various family and friends were trying to calm me down because I was so freaked out about yet another wedding dream in which I’d managed to forget to plan any number of things.

In case that was confusing: I have progressed to dreaming about having these dreams.

And while I suppose it’s good that my subconscious is acknowledging the momentous nature of entering into a marriage (because goodness knows I’m acting laissez faire enough about the wedding to drive my mom crazy - sorry mom!), these wedding dreams can feel free to fuck right off any time now.

Because if this is what I’m in for over the next nine months… well let’s just say elopement is sounding better and better…

You know, I had a WAY better title for this one, but do you think I can remember it? Of course not.

Anyhow, I’ve been really excited to write about this, but was waiting for everything to finalize and the training to finish before I put it out there for internet posterity.

Sasha is officially a Hospital Visiting Dog with Pets and Friends! We visit the GF Strong Rehabilitative Centre one night a week.

I really enjoy volunteering and giving back to the community, but I’m socially awkward enough that my stint volunteering solo in palliative care a few years back was painful for all involved. I’ve undertaken some other volunteer projects both big and small, but they all had a finite term, so I’d have to find something new time and time again.

And this time, I really wanted something I could do with the dog. When both Neil and I are working (and even when I’m not, because I’ve been out of the house a lot this week) I feel pretty bad about leaving her at home alone so much.

A few months back, I saw a random blog post where the author mentioned something about therapy pets. So I started googling and found a local organization.

Now therapy or assistance animals and visiting pets are entirely different entities. Therapy animals are those that have been specifically bred, raised and trained to offer assistance to people with disabilities. They’re the labs and shepherds you see who accompany those with vision or other physical impairments, have been trained to recognize seizures and offer assistance for other purposes. These are working dogs, not pets.

Visiting pets are just that, they visit. They’ve been screened for temperament and training, and go with their owners to hospitals, hospices and other care facilities to visit with (usually long-term) patients. They offer a change of routine, a distraction, and unconditional, wet, hairy love.

It’s incredible to see how much a happy dog lights up the faces of people who are facing a really tough time. Especially those who are facing significant life challenges, away from home, friends and family (and their pets!) for extended periods. It’s sad, but so many of these patients, without anything else to do, will just go to bed after dinner (at about 6:00pm) out of sheer boredom. A visitor of any sort (two legs or four) is exactly the kind of thing worth staying up for.

And Sasha is a pretty perfect dog for the job. She’s unfailingly friendly - usually more interested in people than other dogs even, and always more interested in strangers than the humans she sees every day - in a very gentle way. She’s tall enough to stand up on her hind legs and visit people who can’t bend down out of bed to reach her, and is happy to just sit and be scratched on whichever bit of her is within reach.

Honestly, the people we’re visiting care far more about the dog than the human at the end of the leash - and that’s exactly how I like it. Sharing my happy dog with people is way more rewarding than just forcing my awkward presence upon them.

If you’ve got a pet you’d like to volunteer with, a facility you think could use some animal visitors, or just want to know more and perhaps support the organization - go ahead and check out Pets and Friends, or look for ways to get involved in your local area.

Further Proof that HR people (or whoever’s doing the job posting these days) don’t have a damn clue:

I’m checking out what I missed on various job sites in the past few days, and discovered something pretty odd. There’s one site that lists jobs under “Internship,” “Entry-Level,” “Mid to Senior-Level,” and “Executive.”

I like checking all of the categories, just to see what’s out there, and notice that every single job in the “Entry Level” category is asking for a degree, plus 3-5 or 4-6 years of directly related experience. Seriously?

Could someone who actually has a clue please enlighten me on what exactly is entry level about someone who’s three or four years post-collegiate? More specifically, someone who’s been working all those years, as opposed to taking a very extended Gap year?

Job Posters: Do y’all need someone with a damn degree in Communication to help figure out the definition of “Entry” so you can perhaps post your jobs in relevant places? Because currently, the medium is sending the message that you don’t make much sense.

Sooo yah. About that job thing…

I rescinded my acceptance of their offer after the first day.

It’s one of the hardest decisions I’ve made in the not-so-distant past, but it was ultimately the right thing to do. I’ve often heard that the right thing and the easy thing are very rarely the same - boy howdy is that ever true.

When I first started off on this job-search thing, I had a clear set of goals for the kind of work I wanted to do, the type of place I wanted to do it, and the sort of people I wanted to work with. This job only fit one of the criteria. And one outta three ain’t good people.

While I loved the work that I’d have been doing, and was darned impressive at it (pumping out some documents in a few hours that would’ve taken the existing staff days to produce) - the cultural fit was way, way off. I wanted to work for young, dynamic, energetic company. I wanted collaboration and teamwork to factor strongly. I wanted to feel joy about my workplace - I think everyone should strive for that.

I didn’t feel any of those things. In fact, I felt the opposite. Everything felt a little bit wrong. I have nothing in common with my former co-workers, I was everyone’s junior by about 15 years (which sometimes doesn’t matter - in this case it did). I’d be working primarily alone. The duties doled out kept changing in ways that had very little to do with my title or the original job description. The commute was hell. I was planning my exit strategy by the time I got home.

Breaking the news to my boss was tough. He didn’t take it very well - who would, really, it’s a big hassle. But while he offered to change my office, hours and duties, he didn’t offer any of the things I’d tried to negotiate earlier (more vacation, more money, telecommuting/flex-time) so I think he did realize it wasn’t going to work out anyway.

The hardest thing for me was giving up something I’d worked so hard to get. A job! Of my very own! Complete with paycheque and the feeling that someone wants me!

While I’m pretty comfortable as a risk-taker, I’d not taken a personal one quite that big in a while. Would the grass be greener? Would I rather let go of the bird in the hand? I was absolutely terrified at first.

But after speaking to a number of friends and associates (it amazes me the amount of people who’ve been on both sides of this issue before) I started feeling more at peace with the whole thing. And now that I’ve interviewed at a couple other places, it’s become absolutely, perfectly clear. There are just far, far better fits out there for me, where I’m pretty sure I’ll find the trifecta of awesome.

In the meantime I’ve got some promising leads lined up and am grateful for the opportunity to spend at least a few more days soaking up the sun and feeding ice-cream to the dog.

I wish I could share more at the moment - I can’t, but soon!

In the meantime, enjoy this video of my dog, licking the dregs out of an ice cream container.

Dog! Eats Icecream!
from Jen

(read parts one, two, and three)

There was a definite point when things started turning around for me in this whole process.

It was the day I met Cathy Lim.

For those who aren’t familiar with either the city of Vancouver or the marketing industry within it, there is a universal truth you need to know: there is always more talent than opportunities. I heard this message time and time again from Marketing Consultants, Marketing Managers, HR Managers, Entrepreneurs and other people employed in the field. It’s a tough slog to get the right opportunity - and even after feeling like it had been positively for-EVER since ‘d last been working, when I announced my newfound job to some others in the industry, they were surprised it happened as fast as it did.

So you see why networking for me was essential, and Cathy is one of the best networkers I know. She has fully embraced the true spirit of networking, and approaches everyone and every situation with kindness and generosity.

After connecting with her, she agreed with my initial assessment that being brushed off, ignored, belittled, left hanging and outright lied to was a sad truth in recruiting these days. Especially when there is a surplus of candidates.

In fact, her disillusionment with the practices and policies in the HR departments of some of the places she’d worked, combined with her drive to run her own company is what led Cathy to start up her own recruitment and career coaching business: performance personnel inc.

Taking from her generous spirit and passion to help people and companies find the right fit, Cathy agreed that blind applications would do me no good, and worked tirelessly to get my resume in the door at various employers around town. She saw me as more than another “slot in an empty hole” and much more than a paycheque from a potential client, and actually took interest in me as a person. Without that kind of attitude, there’s no way Cathy would maintain her current 0% bounce-back rate.

Instead of either complaining about the ways the system is broken, or passing the buck to either higher-ups or incoming candidates, Ms. Lim just bucked the system entirely and became part of the solution.

If it sounds like I’m gushing, it’s because I am. I really don’t have enough good things to say about her.

When you’re going through a trying transition, sometimes being treated like an actual, valuable person is all it takes to boost the ol’ self-esteem and re-engage the power of positive thought and having an optimistic outlook.

There is actually a part of me that really wishes I’d gotten to work with Cathy longer - the fresh perspective and improved outlook I found through working with her is (I firmly believe) what led to the position I ultimately ended up accepting - something that had been initiated before we’d met.

Now I must include the caveat that I was a unique case for her - she generally doesn’t work with people who are unemployed. She prefers (and I can see why) to deal with those who are looking for a change, and can afford (both mentally and financially) to hold out for something that’s truly the right fit. Because that was my objective with this job search from the start, it worked out.

So in the spirit of generosity and the belief that “a higher tide lifts all the boats,” I’ve been pimping Cathy out to anyone who’ll listen. If I know of anyone looking for candidates these days, I’ve mentioned her name. If I know of anyone not satisfied with their job right now, they get an email directing them her way and the offer of an introduction.

And THAT, my friends, is how HR and recruitment should be run.

So if it wasn’t through Cathy I got my job, who was it? That’s coming up in the next entry. I promise!

I’m going to deviate from the candidate-focused advice I’ve been spouting in parts one and two, and take a moment to rant at the majority of HR managers and recruiters I’ve had the displeasure of interacting with through this process:

Part the Third: HR (haphazard and ridiculous)

Are you an HR Professional? Have I applied to a company you work for?

If I haven’t, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, and not automatically assume you’re an idiot.

However, if I HAVE applied to the company you work for (with a couple notable exceptions), I am currently not terribly impressed with your ilk. In fact, I strongly suggest you could not find your own hindquarters with both hands and a flashlight.

Because you certainly can’t find a suitable candidate for your positions, since you keep changing and reposting them, and with the mounting evidence, I have to start assuming that it’s not entirely me - it’s you.

And while I am not an HR Professional (and feel sorry for those who have to share a professional title with you), I’ve done my share of recruiting and managing, and even *I* can offer a few tidbits of help so you can finally fill your damn jobs, and stop driving me and the rest of my fellow job seekers COMPLETELY INSANE.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. It’s not that difficult. Do you want a specialist or a generalist? Do you want a brand manager or a graphic designer? Do you want a copywriter or a website technician? What is the ACTUAL nature of the job, and what skills are needed to do it? Have you ever heard the phrase “Jack of All Trades, Master of None?” That’s what you’ll get if you insist on a candidate who is an “expert” in every commercial software package known to man.

How do you know if you’re doing this? If your “components of the job” demands could have multiple 4-year degrees attached, you’re asking for too much because you don’t know what you want. Have you said you want someone with a degree in Marketing, and a portfolio of graphic design projects? There is a HUGE difference between creating a campaign, and doing creative graphics execution.

And don’t complain to me that “it’s what the hiring manager wants” - the hiring manager has no effing clue what they want. They do not write job descriptions, they produce things and manage their team. It is your job to ask questions and make the connection between what they’ve asked for, and what they actually need.

What does 80% of the job consist of? If you narrow your posting down to that, you might just attract someone who’s brilliant at that particular skillset. And maybe you can hire them. Then when you do hire the person who’s brilliant, you’ll probably find it won’t be that hard for them to take that brilliance, read some refresher material, and update their skills to do exactly what you and your company need.

2. How much experience do you really want, and how much are you willing to pay for it? I know that non-marketing people generally don’t understand what marketing people do - and most of us work quite hard to prove our and our campaigns’ ROI. But seriously - do not say you want someone with 5 years of experience, and balk that the applicants are all overqualified. If you want someone with more enthusiasm than experience - have at ‘er! Goodness knows it’s hard enough to get a job right out of school. But don’t be surprised if you ask for applicants with a certain amount of experience, and they come at you with exactly that, and don’t want to answer phones as part of their duties (unless the job is answering phones - and in my case it isn’t).

3. If you have initiated contact with a candidate - FOR PETE’S SAKE FINISH IT! As a job hunter I understand that if I submit an application, and don’t hear anything, it means the company is not interested. But if I submit an application, and you shunt me to the next stage in your intake process, promise a phone call within a certain number of business days, and then proceed to LEAVE ME HANGING FOREVER (I’m looking at you, Active Network), I will think your entire company treats its people like crap (because during that process I was one of your people, and you certainly weren’t courteous to me), and will forever have a negative opinion of you. This means I won’t use your products, won’t recommend your products, and will never ever suggest any of my colleagues and associates work for you. In fact, I’ll probably go out of my way to tell them not to, without any prompting.

As HR, you are the face of the company to your greatest assets: your past, current, future and potential employees. If I ever hear an HR Professional tell me they “don’t have time” in their busy day to inform candidates that they’ve reached the end of their journey in the intake cycle, I would say without hesitation that they are shitty managers of their time and their domain. That is your job - you’re the one who signed up for it. Nobody likes delivering bad news, but I’ve gotten my fair share of it in the job hunt, and have a much higher opinion of those who have delivered it. You don’t need to respond to every application - but if you have responded, you owe it to that candidate to inform them you’ve closed the interaction.

Perhaps, if the HR Managers of the world could take those points to heart, and get their collective shit together, I could have spent my time constructing applications in which my skills are demonstrated in a concise way that’s actually applicable to the job in question, sent them to companies who are looking for someone with my level of expertise, and not be sleepless with anxiety because “they said they’d call” and just don’t.

Thankfully, there are a few shining stars out there, one of whom I’m going to give a shameless plug to in the next entry. She deserves a post of her own, because she’s just that good.

UPDATE: Apparently dearheart disagrees (though I didn’t apply to the company she works for - and has decided to take personal offense at my post anyway).

So I mentioned in Part the First that I think the resume is pretty much useless on its own for getting a job, and is really a secondary piece of collateral to support your claims.

What does get someone to the “confirmation of skills” phase? Networking. And so I bring to you:

Part the Second: Networking (schmooze-hound)

It’s only been in the last year that I finally realized what networking actually is, and what networking is at its core. Note: the objective of networking is NOT to get a job or make a sale. Everyone hates that person. Please don’t be that person.

Networking is just making friends and building relationships. And handily, it’s usually centered around some common factors, so that those relationships may be beneficial someday. After realizing that crucial piece of information - thankfully while still employed - I didn’t mind networking so much and engaged in it fairly regularly. Through networking, I’ve found peers to collaborate with, referrals to services I needed, information on organizations I didn’t even know existed, leads on potential jobs and most importantly, friends.

This does not come from showing up at a networking event when you need something - there is no room for greedy networking.

You would never walk up to a stranger on your block and say “Hello, isn’t it nice today? Would you mind giving me $300 so I can fix my lawnmower?” The stranger doesn’t give a damn about your lawnmower, and now probably thinks you’re crazy.

In the same way, walking up to a stranger at a networking event and saying “Hello, are you enjoying the wine? Can I have a job interview / tell you about my product?” makes you annoying, and crazy.

Remember how I said you have to get the person reading your resume interested in you? That first tactic is the quickest way to make them uninterested, put off and wanting to run far, far away.

Have a conversation. Make small talk (if Darren can do it, you can too). Heck, I managed to get an interview for a job I was highly unqualified for during a conversation in which I dumped an entire glass of red wine into my purse and onto my person, splashing the floor and a clothing display at DKNY in the process. That’s what they get for serving coloured drinks in their store I suppose.

The point is, just be a nice person. Be interested and interesting. Not sure how to do that? Attend a “how to network” session. I’ve been to at least half-a-dozen, and this particular one is far and away the most interesting and amusing I’ve found.

Then, once you’ve met some people and hopefully made some good impressions and perhaps a friendly acquaintance or two, go do it again. And again. And again. Aim to be useful. If you know the answer to a question they have, give it! If you know of someone doing something they need, introduce them to that person! Go out with no other motive but to be generous and meet some people.

And when you find yourself in the position of needing something from them, as I did when I needed a job, you will reap the rewards a THOUSAND-fold.

This is the part that always tweaks the tiny sensitive bits of my cold, black little heart. Looking for work and facing the rejections that come with submitting applications, seeing positions you’ve applied to re-posted without any acknowledgement from those companies (other than the auto-reply that your resume has been received) and the days spent staring bleakly out the window waiting for the phone to ring, and perhaps phoning your home from your cell and vice versa to make sure they actually work… it’s hard on a soul.

So I am indescribably grateful to every single person who was kind enough to pass on job postings, offer resume feedback, make introductions to others who were either looking for staff, or might just know someone who is, sit down and talk with me about the current state of the industry and the job market, or just offer kind words when I needed them most. I want to say thank you all from the bottom of my heart - though my heart doesn’t seem deep enough… Perhaps thank you from my butt, which is so much bigger than my heart and obviously a very special thing, since it’s pretty fantastic.

Seriously though, that whole “80% of the job market isn’t advertised” schtick is crap. It is advertised. It’s just that those doing the advertising are still reading resumes from people they know or have been introduced to, and not spending nearly as much time on blind applications.

If you’re looking for work now, it’s not too late to get into the networking thing. I certainly joined a couple new groups during my unemployment. But stick to them. Don’t go networking looking for a job, find one then never go back. Go out with the intention of meeting more people like yourself. Go out with the intention of being interesting and being generous to your peers. Stick with it, and you’ll like it, I promise!

And while networking did eventually result in a job offer for me (which I didn’t accept), that’s the very least of what I gained from it.

But I’m not going to tell you where I found my job just yet. In Part Three I’m going to digress, and go on a bit of a tirade about HR and Recruiters.