There have been a few times when people have asked me “how’s married life” and I’ve answered “Uh… I’m not really sure.” I’m sortof joking because for the most part I think married life is grand and really not that different from living in sin (with a delightful lack of disapproving “tut tuts” from those who, well, disapproved of living in sin).
We also joke that there’s no way we could know, considering that since we’ve been married, we’ve spent more time apart than together. While we’ve both been travelling far more than usual, we didn’t actually think that was true. But this latest round of voyages have been getting me down, so I started doing the math (because I have nothing better to do while sitting in yet another hotel room).
Neil and I were married on March 29th. We left for our Honeymoon the next day and returned to Vancouver on April 19th. I left for my first business trip on April 20th, and it’s been pretty nonstop for both of us since then.
I’ve taken five trips for a total of 34 days away from home since the honeymoon.
Neil’s taken two for a total of 13 days, plus a 9-day trip starting Saturday for a grand total of 22 days away from home by the end of July.
That means the two of us have been home together for all of twenty-nine days in the 3 months we’ve been married. The longest stretch during that time was 16 days.
Sure, you can add the four days in Orlando when Neil flew out to visit over a weekend while I was on an extended trip there, which brings our total “together time” to 33 days.
And you can even count the 22 days we spent on our honeymoon. But as of the 27th of July, the first day we’re both home again for at least a week, that would still bring us to 55 days. One day short of the 56 days we’ll have spent apart.
And frankly, that kindof sucks.
I’m now more used to sleeping alone than in bed with my husband. Which means I sleep like garbage when we’re together, making me grouchy and not particularly pleasant.
We’ve been trying to go out for a nice dinner (I’ve pegged the tasting menu at West, and an evening at Raincity Grill as my top two goals) ever since we got home from the honeymoon – but for the time we’ve been home together, we’ve been exhausted and sick of eating in restaurants anyhow.
The dog is turning completely neurotic (goldies are notoriously sensitive, and don’t like it when their entire pack isn’t around), and now goes away to pout and whine every time a suitcase comes out.
Between moving and unpacking in January, chaos through preparing for the wedding, and the chaos of just never being home since the wedding, our house is in complete shambles. We’ve been in eating/sleeping/laundry survival mode, and feels less homey than most of the hotel rooms I end up staying in. Case in Point: we’ve lived there for six months, and just hung some art last weekend because we couldn’t stand it anymore.
And the reality is, it doesn’t look like the situation is going to change any time soon.
We thought August and September would finally give us a break, but Neil’s got at least two weeks of trips during that time. I don’t have anything scheduled yet, but with a new project on the horizon, that could all change. And I’m definitely out of town again for at least two weeks, maybe three, in October/November.
But don’t let that fool you into thinking I’m complaining!
I love the work I do. I love the travel component. I love seeing new cities and managing events around the continent.
I do not love that I have not quite figured out how to stay sane during the in-between times. I do not love that I feel so disconnected from my partner these days.
So anyone who travels a lot and wants to weigh in on how you stay grounded and functional with your partner and family – I’d certainly appreciate it!
And for those who’ve seen me, and noticed I’ve been a bit on the cranky side, it’s only because I felt like my life was being turned a bit inside out.
Because it is. And I’m still figuring out how to right it.
No wisdom to offer here, because I think I handle travel horribly, just a whole lot of sympathy and good wishes.
oh am i the person to comment on this!
my boyfriend travels a lot. A LOT. every month he’s away. in the beginning it was really difficult, but slowly you do start appreciate your alone time more, as well as your together time. when he goes away, i see it as my time of relaxing and do what i like (usually means that i can hog the tv and play video games), and when he’s back, we plan date nights and do coupley things.
the sleeping thing is a little difficult because that is the BEST THING EVER to sleep by yourself, and i have no advice for that. i just deal with it when he’s back with his snores and hit him in the face when i can. i do look forward to him being back and i can make dinner and enjoy it together.. and i also enjoy making a bit tub of pasta and eat it all by myself. Just gotta focus on the good parts of both, and learn that this life may not be for everyone, but it works for you!
Sue: thanks 🙂
andrea: I’m definitely used to the apart time – I mostly feel like I need some household manager so we can actually *enjoy* being together when we’re both home, instead of being snipey because one of us has been holding down the fort for a week and we’re not managing the handoff particularly well.